


May We Meet Again

by HJ1



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clarke Griffin - Freeform, Clarke Griffin/Lexa - Freeform, Commander Lexa, F/F, Fluff, Heda Lexa, Smut, The 100 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-23 08:21:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9647864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HJ1/pseuds/HJ1
Summary: Set when Clarke goes to say goodbye to Lexa in episode 7 season 3. Starts with how the original scene went and then continues as my imagination of how the love scene went. I know it's late but I never got around to putting it up here. It's not long, but I hope you enjoy it. The other 3 chapters will be up soon, depending on how motivating the Kudos and Comments are.





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke walked into Lexa's room, she distracted herself with the thought of candles. She was used to their scent by now and she loved that Lexa had them around all the time because it felt like no matter where Lexa was, the air smelled better. She snapped back to reality and scanned the room quickly, she couldn't find her and the thought of having to leave without saying goodbye made her panic, but then Lexa came out from behind and she took a breath of relief.

Lexa looked so beautiful, every time she saw her she looked more beautiful than the time before, how was it even possible? She had her hair on her right side and the sun hit her skin like it was made to rise everyday just to make her look like a goddess. But she was sad, like she had never seen her before; her eyes were teary because she knew from Clarke's face that she was coming to say goodbye.

Lexa knew it was a long shot to have asked her to stay because it would have been selfish. Much like her, Clarke had the burden of her people on her shoulders and would always put them first. Lexa knew this, she knew exactly who Clarke was but she had asked her to stay just the same in hopes of another answer.

"When do you leave?" Lexa asked.

Clarke could barely bring herself to say it. "Now" she answered.

Lexa nodded in understanding.

Clarke took a few steps towards her and said, "I'm sorry"- she was sorry for so many things that she couldn't even begin to apologize for, but she felt like Lexa heard it the way she meant it.

"Don't be", Lexa answered almost immediately, "you have to go back, they're your people" she added.

Lexa felt such sorrow and she knew Clarke did too, but Lexa understood, and of course she did. No one could understand better than her why Clarke had to leave.

The words rang in Clarke's head "your people". She had told herself so many times that the reason she did everything was her people and though that was part of it, she could never admit to herself the other reason; Lexa.

In that same moment Lexa continued, "That's why I...".

She wanted to tell her she loved her, more than she could ever express in words, but to do so now would have been worse because Clarke was leaving, she couldn't have her, and she wasn't sure how Clarke would have reacted. She didn't want her to feel like she had to say it back. Either way, Lexa loved her and she thought maybe Clarke already knew so she gave a smile, barely noticeable.

At the same moment Lexa spoke, Clarke looked up and met Lexa's eyes. She had been avoiding eye contact because if she had looked at her she might not have been able to leave. She wanted her to finish the sentence but she thought it was better if she didn't as it would have only hurt more because nothing would change, she would still have to go back.

"That's why you're you," Lexa said as she swallowed what she really wanted to say. In the end, those words meant the same thing since she loved her because she was who she was. Clarke thought for a moment of a world where neither one of them had to worry about their people, and then she said,

"Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people".

Lexa smiled faintly as she thought of Clarke's words but the sorrow overcame her. “Someday”. It reminded her of the "not yet" Clarke had told her the day she kissed her in the tent. “Someday” and “not yet” seemed so far away, almost unattainable but not the way Clarke said them. Since she had met Clarke, she had begun to believe that some things were possible, that peace was not an ideal but an actual reality that could be reached. She begun to believe that maybe she could be happy, that she could feel the way she hadn’t in a long time, or in a way she maybe never had.

"I hope so" she answered.

Lexa put her hand forward for a grounder goodbye. She wanted more than that, but she would never invade Clarke's space unless she wanted her to. Clarke reached and held her arm and Lexa repeated the same words she had told her what seemed like years ago at Mount Weather when she thought she would never see her again.

"May we meet again"

The words hit Clarke hard as she realized how much it pained Lexa to say them, she realized that she was really letting her go, just like that, with nothing more than a handshake even though she felt they both wanted more.

Clarke was overcome by this sudden grief, by the need to kiss her, she glanced at Lexa's lips, they were perfection as always and the thought of not seeing them or Lexa again made them so irresistible. She couldn't' leave it at that, she didn't want to, and for the first time in a long time, Clarke allowed herself a moment of egoism. She stepped forward and reached to grab Lexa's neck, not unlike Lexa had done with her when she had kissed her, and pulled her in until she felt their lips touch.

She had almost forgotten how soft Lexa's lips were.

Lexa was surprised as Clarke pulled her in, she wanted to pull her closer but she didn't know how far Clarke was going, she thought it was just a goodbye kiss and she wanted to be mindful of her space as she had always been. Lexa couldn't keep her emotions in check and she felt as her eyes fill with tears and then after a few seconds Clarke pulled away but not entirely. A single tear ran down Lexa's cheek as they looked at each other for what seemed like eternity though it lasted less than a second. Clarke gave a slight nod almost as if to give Lexa permission, to assure her that she wanted this and then she leaned in again for another kiss. Lexa kissed her back and reveled in Clarke's lips.

They had both wanted this so much and for so long. They breathed in heavily between short and wanting kisses. Lexa enjoyed every second of it but she still wasn't sure where Clarke was going, but then Clarke reached behind her neck and started undressing her. Clarke undid the knot that was keeping Lexa’s shirt up and then started pulling down at the sleeves. Lexa felt how much Clarke wanted her that moment and she was somewhat caught by surprise because of it. They parted momentarily between kisses to breathe and Lexa's lip were shaking. Did Clarke really want this? Lexa wouldn't have believed it if it weren't for the fact that it was happening. It was hard to think, and Lexa didn’t want to. Their lips hungrily met a few more times until Clarke moved to direct them to the bed. Lexa sat down and they held hands. They stared at each other for a moment.

Clarke stared at the beautiful woman in front of her. Those beautiful green eyes, those luscious full lips and that flawless face. Lexa looked so vulnerable, so fragile and Clarke thought of all the times she had seen her before, she always looked strong and tough with the war paint, but even without it, she never looked this.

She thought of the Commander she knew: the one who was threateningly playing with the knife the first day she met her, the one that kicked men off buildings without question or second thought when she wanted to (she hadn't seen it but she heard it), the one who had beaten Roan at the arena (a man almost twice her size), and the one who put a spear through Nia's heart. That was the Commander everyone knew, but she was not the Commander now, she was Lexa and she was all hers.

The look Lexa gave her was as if she were surrendering herself completely to her and Clarke thought of why she hadn't done this before, why she had waited until the very last moment. She thought she was an idiot to have wanted to hide her feelings, but she wasn't hiding them anymore and neither was Lexa because that one look between them was like an 'I love you' even if the words remained unspoken.

Lexa stared back intensely. She had never felt as vulnerable as she did this moment. Was Clarke sure? Was she ready? Did she really want this? But more importantly, did she forgive her? She continued to wonder. Clarke looked pensive for a moment but then Lexa saw her resolve. Yes. She wanted this. There was no doubt of it then and there that Clarke wanted her and at the same moment Clarke began to lean in, Lexa reached for her and pulled her in further for a kiss as they laid back on the bed.

They slowly moved up the bed without breaking the kiss. They shuffled about so that their heads were by the pillows. Clarke straddled Lexa's hips so she was on top of her. She pulled further at the sleeves of Lexa's shirt until she was free of them and then she broke their kiss only to lift Lexa's shirt and help her completely out of it and her undergarments. They both pulled back into the kiss quickly and wanting, and this time Clarke pushed her tongue inside Lexa's mouth with no restraint. Lexa moaned into Clarke's mouth as she let her tongue taste the other woman.

They parted for a moment and Clarke stared at Lexa, she then let her eyes wander downwards to appreciate the woman's body and she placed her hands on her hips and slowly moved them upwards to her stomach, then her torso and then her breasts, caressing her soft skin. She held Lexa's breasts in both her hands and squeezed them and then used her index and thumb to gently pinch her nipples. Lexa gasped and closed her eyes and Clarke couldn't help but feel so turned on because it was her touch making Lexa squirm. She kissed her again using her tongue to massage Lexa's in the most demanding way.

Lexa's hands wandered to Clarke's back and slowly started pulling her shirt upwards. Clarke eased out of the shirt and Lexa took a deep breath when she finally saw the woman completely topless. She looked faultless and Lexa was left breathless. Clarke smiled as she saw the effect she had on the woman and she intertwined their fingers together and pushed their hands so they were beside Lexa’s head as she leaned in to kiss her again. Clarke hadn't imagined Lexa was a bottom and Lexa wasn't one but this was Clarke, and she would have let her do anything she wanted.

Clarke wondered how long it would last until Lexa flipped her over, she knew Lexa was still restraining herself but she didn't want her to any longer. Clarke sat up, still straddling her, and allowed Lexa to admire her figure once more, but to speed up the process she began to direct Lexa's hands to her own body, at her sides and then she placed Lexa's hands on her own breasts. Clarke's breasts were significantly larger than most and Lexa loved the way they felt under her hands.

Clarke closed her eyes and moaned in pleasure and Lexa sat up and instantly pressed their lips together harshly. She began kissing lower and she then took Clarke’s left breast into her mouth as she cupped the other. She had thought of what Clarke's breasts would feel like in her mouth but it did not compare to the reality. They were full and perfect and it felt surreal to have her lips and tongue stroking them. Clarke gasped loudly and held Lexa closer, her right hand on Lexa's lower back and the other on her neck. Lexa licked and sucked on Clarke's nipples and slowly started to close her teeth on one. She felt it harden under her tongue and teeth and it only made her want to press down harder on it. Clarke could barely keep herself together, she was already ridiculously wet and gasping for air while Lexa switched between breasts and after licking and sucking the other, she bit Clarke's right nipple harder than the left and Clarke moaned and arched her chest towards Lexa's mouth urging her to continue.

Lexa kept one hand on Clarke's back to pull her closer but as she heard Clarke's moans get louder she began moving her other hand lower on Clarke's body until she reached the button on her jeans. She skillfully undid it with one hand and continued to slide it down her pants but she stopped right before she reached her clit.

She pulled her mouth from Clarke's breast and gave Clarke a look as if to ask if she was ready, Clarke understood what it meant. She nodded and said in her hoarse voice, "I'm ready now".

Oh how Lexa had waited to hear those words come out of Clarke's mouth. She never thought she would have, but here they came and it was all she needed. Lexa held eye contact as she let her hand go lower until she reached her center. She was surprised by how wet Clarke was and it made her gasp a little and whisper Clarke’s name inaudibly.

When she felt Lexa's fingers on her clit Clarke took a deep breath in, shut her eyes and pushed her head back. Lexa kissed and sucked Clarke's neck which she now had full access to, and massaged her clit in a circular motion with her index and middle fingers.

Clarke moved her hips against Lexa's hand and she felt as Lexa switched to using her thumb and let her two fingers slide down and then slip inside of her with ease. Clarke let out a moan as Lexa entered her. Lexa's fingers were long and every movement made Clarke's moaning louder. Lexa loved the sound of Clarke and knowing she was the cause of her pleasure made her wetter by the second.

Lexa began gently kissing Clarke's jawline and she moved her lips slowly to her neck and then her shoulder and continued giving her soft, wet kisses. Clarke moved her hips back and forth against Lexa's fingers while Lexa pulled out and pushed in at a slow pace that was driving Clarke mad. Lexa loved the feeling of her fingers inside Clarke, her slickness all over them and the way Clarke moved against them.

Clarke began moaning louder and Lexa wanted nothing more than to be the cause of her orgasm, and she curled her fingers inside Clarke until she felt a rough patch. Clarke felt herself near the edge so she leaned into Lexa's neck and bit down hard to stop herself from screaming too loud lest everyone in Polis would have heard her as she came, though it was futile to stifle her sounds. Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes when she felt Clarke's teeth press on her shoulder. Lexa didn't really associate pain with pleasure most of her days but the pressure of Clarke's teeth was just enough so that it didn't hurt her, not really, but was on the verge of it so she actually enjoyed it. Clarke's walls clenched on Lexa's fingers inside her and a moment later Lexa slowly pulled her fingers out and flipped her over so that she could slowly push Clarke back onto the mattress.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexa let Clarke ride out her orgasm as she placed wet kisses all over her, from her neck to her collarbone, then her bust. She made a point of suckling Clarke's nipples that were now ridiculously hard just because she could. She let the first breast free from her mouth with a pop, and after moaning her way through the second one, she let that one free too.

Lexa then slowly moved her hands lower to the waistline of Clarke's jeans. She started to gradually pull down her jeans and underwear with her thumbs while making sure her other fingers freely touched Clarke's skin in the process while lips moved lower in sync with her hands.

Lexa’s lips felt like heaven on Clarke's skin and Clarke closed her eyes to focus on Lexa. Her chest rose and fell faster as she felt Lexa's lips and fingers descending on her body. Lexa's lips moved lower to Clarke’s right thigh as her jeans were by her feet now. Lexa removed the jeans completely and focused on Clarke's thighs as she kissed them and caressed her calves, occasionally biting her soft flesh.  

Clarke loved how gentle Lexa was. Who would have thought the Commander was so tender in bed? Then it occurred to her that most probably, no one was ever gentle with Lexa in the ways Clarke was used to, except for maybe Costia, but she didn't really know.

She did know that Lexa was taught to be tough and strong, and being anything but that was deemed weak. She doubted anyone ever touched her the way Lexa was touching her now. The more she considered the very real possibility that Lexa had been deprived of the kind of love she was now giving, the more it shocked her that Lexa was being so gentle and loving with her. She was even more surprised that she hadn't asked anything of her. So far she had only been giving as she continued to admire the blonde’s body within her hands.

Lexa’s hands moved up and down Clarke’s legs, massaging them. Lexa added more pressure to every bite she gave the blonde, making her moan each time. When she wasn’t biting, Lexa traced her lips and nose on the side of Clarke’s legs, sometimes nearing Clarke’s center. The scent radiating from Clarke’s sex was so strong that Lexa didn’t have to make an effort to take it in. All she had to do was breathe normally to be able to grasp how aroused Clarke was by her. The whole experience was so thrilling to the brunette.  

Lexa continued to worship every part of Clarke's body so she didn't miss an inch, so she could burn every detail into her memory, as if this were the last time she would see her. The texture of her skin, the heat radiating from it, her pulse, it all needed to be learned by heart.

She could hear Clarke's heavy breathing slow down and her muscles relax. Lexa closed her eyes every time her lips touched Clarke's skin almost involuntarily but she made sure to observe her carefully between kisses to make sure she was enjoying it and to admire the body exposed before her, exposed for her.

Lexa kept her pace, she was patient, but Clarke was wanting. Lexa was all hers now and Clarke didn't want to rush it so they could both enjoy it, but with Lexa tempting her further with every touch, it was getting harder and harder to wait for more. The need inside Clarke was changing to something else a little less gentle. She wanted to fuck her so hard, to release all the bottled up emotions, but she'd have to control herself a little while longer to savor the moment.

Clarke kept her eyes closed to focus on Lexa's touch. Every touch gave her butterflies and she felt her walls flutter and clench in demand, but she wanted to let Lexa explore. Either way, she felt it was unfair to be only on the receiving end and she was going to switch it up soon. Meanwhile, she just let herself be adored by the gorgeous woman.

How she loved the thought that right now, she was the only one that knew and maybe would ever know (Costia being gone and all), what the Commander's touch felt like when she wasn't being the Commander. She loved being the only one that knew so many things like the feel of Lexa's hands slowly moving up and down her body, of her lips touching her own or any other part of her, of Lexa's skin directly in contact with her own, of Lexa's teeth on her, of her long tongue inside her mouth, of her fingers inside her, of her moans, her movements, the taste of her flesh, her breasts in her hands.

The feel of Lexa.

It was all she wanted, now and forever. Sensations ran through her body like she never felt before at the sweet and soft touch of her.

Oh how delicate and mindful Lexa was. How she had always been with her, even when she did something as simple as call her name. It was so soothing and affectionate.

"Clarke" - Lexa's voice rang in her head and occupied her thoughts more than she had cared to admit before now. Every time Lexa said her name she always felt a tingle inside her. It didn't have the same effect on her when someone else said it. Whenever she heard her name come out of Lexa's lips it would distract her, she would almost forget what she wanted to say or what she was thinking. She could've sworn no one else said it as much and she knew no one could ever say it the way she did. It was perfection and thankfully Lexa somehow managed to say it at least once every time they were around each other.

Clarke wanted to hear her say it now, in whispers or in screams or both. It didn't matter so long as it was her name Lexa was saying.


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke wanted to give back now. It was only fair. And it was not like she was going to let Lexa have all the fun.

She sat up a little to pull Lexa towards her and she pressed their lips together, making sure their tongues collided. It was a swift move, she was hot and needy and all out of patience. She tasted every inch of Lexa’s mouth with her tongue without making it too dirty. It wasn’t exactly PG though.

Then, Clarke slowly traced her hand from the middle of Lexa’s back down her spine. She kept going lower until she slipped her hands inside the back of Lexa's pants to fill her hands in the brunette’s ass before squeezing it. If she was honest, she had glanced at Lexa’s ass plenty of times before, whenever she got the chance. Sometimes, while she stared or when the thought of the brunette’s behind popped into her head, she would find her fingers bending down as if to squeeze, only to find her hands empty each time. But not this time. This time, she had free range. Well, almost. The pants were getting in the way. The inhibitors had to fucking go. Now.

She took her hands out from Lexa’s pants and pulled them pants down to her thighs in a hurry while the kissing continued. She flipped the brunette over, breaking the kiss without warning, and finished removing Lexa’s pants expertly, leaving her at the bottom by Lexa’s feet.

Lexa was out of breath, much like her, and she eyed her hungrily. More than hunger though, there was something else in her eyes.

She cut herself off. Now was not the time. The wetness pooling between her legs was calling, but so were the butterflies in her stomach. She was conflicted. For a second she was trying to convince herself it was just sex so she could get rid of all the questions that troubled her, but she never got butterflies when it was just sex. She never felt on fire when it was just sex; aroused maybe, but not on fire. She never felt her whole body, every cell, pull her towards someone so hard.

Clarke began to kiss her way back up starting at her feet. She kissed and nipped at Lexa's skin, moving from the bottom of her leg to her hips, which she parted while staring Lexa directly in the eye.

Lexa gazed at Clarke, both of them clearly aroused, while she made her way up to the brunette’s undergarments and positioned herself between her legs. Once she reached her underwear, Clarke began to remove them. Lexa watched intently, she clenched her teeth, tightening her jaw, and she felt her sex aching with Clarke's fingers so near to it.

Clarke removed the undergarments out of the way. Lexa was so wet, dripping in fact, and her clit was swollen before she had even touched it. Clarke made eye contact with Lexa again in an unapologetically lustful way to make sure she was watching as she gave one long, slow deliberate lick at her center. Lexa threw her head back and nearly convulsed when she felt the woman's lips on her.

"Cla-rke" she said barely audible and almost cutting off in the middle of the word.

Clarke smiled as she heard her name. This was what she wanted, that sound felt like something worth living for. She loved the musky taste of Lexa's arousal, it fueled her and she became more hungry and driven.  She almost wished she could have taken it slow but the taste and Lexa’s responses were too good so she licked persistently at her clit.

Lexa moved her left hand upwards and reached for the headboard and gripped it hard, she moved her right hand lower to hold Clarke's head as she moved her hips in a circular manner while at the same time arching them to meet Clarke's hot and demanding tongue.

She was already so close just from touching Clarke before that it wasn't going to take long and Clarke could tell as she heard Lexa's moans getting louder.

In vain, Lexa tried to utter a sentence but all she managed was "Clarke… I'm …”

"Not yet Commander" Clarke ordered.

Lexa nearly came at the sound of her title in spite of being instructed not to, her clit throbbing even more. Clarke knew the effect she had on her, it wasn’t difficult to notice, or see, or taste, and she smiled when she felt Lexa shudder.

She placed her left hand on Lexa's hips to keep them from moving too much and she reached up with her right to fondle Lexa's breast. She wanted to tease her a bit because she could. She’d be crazy to miss out on a chance to tease the Commander of the 13 Clans, so she slowed down and began licking around the clit, mostly keeping away from it.

Every so often, Lexa let out mewls and twitched when Clarke's tongue grazed her peak. Lexa couldn't handle it much longer. She was shocked to have lasted this long in the first place. She wanted release but Clarke was denying her it for the pleasure of hearing her whimper and Lexa knew that. If she was honest, it was hot, but she needed release before she combusted.

"Clarke, beja" Lexa pleaded.

Begging was not something Lexa was used to, in fact, she made a point of that. The Commander never begged, but this wasn't the typical situation she found herself in as Commander.

Clarke laughed at the fact that she had actually managed to get the Commander to such a point of frustration that she was begging her. She knew no one else would ever hear words like those come from Lexa’s mouth, certainly not with that tone or in that way.

"You taste delicious Commander" she teased and felt as Lexa inhaled at once and she automatically pushed hips upwards.

Lexa’s lungs filled and emptied at a much rapid pace form that point on. Clarke liked that she was in charge of Lexa's orgasm, she could make her come if she wanted to or not if she didn't. It was so exhilarating to have her at her mercy, but she couldn't tease her forever, she didn't want to either. Watching the Commander come was officially number one on her to do list.

Lexa had switched from gripping the headboard to gripping sheets during all this and her hold on them was so tight that her knuckles had gone white. Clarke was still denying her request while Lexa was so close and in need. Lexa attempted to articulate something, anything so Clarke would give her what she wanted but all she let out were moans and word fragments.

"Sha Heda?" Clarke asked in a playful tone while she licked at her center but held out a bit by going slow and not applying enough pressure.

Lexa wanted to assert herself and compel Clarke to give her what she wanted, but she was in no position to do so.

"Please Clarke" she implored once more.

At last, Clarke obliged this time, she held her down a little harder than before and went back to licking her clit directly. This time she devoured her without hesitation.

In a few moments, Lexa came hard and between clenched teeth uttered something in Trigedasleng Clarke didn't quite catch but assumed it to be something alone the lines of fuck.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke looked up at Lexa with a smirk and Lexa could tell she was pleased with herself. Lexa's hands released she sheets as she came down from her orgasm and then Clarke moved up to place a deep kiss on her lips and Lexa held her from her neck. She tasted herself on Clarke's tongue and knowing that Clarke had enjoyed her taste was incredibly erotic.

Lexa intertwined her fingers in Clarke's hair and she placed her other hand on her back to hold her close. They spent a minute kissing, playing with their tongues, intertwining them and tasting each other. She liked this position, and so did Clarke. Like this they could both feel each other's hardened nipples, their bodies in close contact, the moisture of their flesh, the heat they emitted.

Lexa broke the kiss momentarily and gently pushed back Clarke's hair behind her ears to get a good look of her. She was grateful there was sunlight so she could really appreciate the woman on top of her. "You are so beautiful" Lexa whispered in awe and fascination with Clarke.

Clarke was surprised to hear the words come out from Lexa’s mouth like some biblical truth.

Lexa wanted to say so much more, mainly that she loved her and had loved her from the moment they brought her into her tent. But Clarke was more than just that, she was the most stunning woman Lexa had ever seen and not just in beauty. Her kindness and selflessness, her ability to forgive; she had such a huge heart and everything about Clarke ran through Lexa's mind all at once.

She never thought it possible that Clarke would feel remotely similar to how she felt about her after all that had happened between them, and yet there she was, above her giving her the widest smile she had ever seen on her and the most penetrating look, and Lexa had never felt as wanted as she did now.

She wondered how she had even managed to end up here with her; both fully nude and her expressing her love to Clarke the best way she could given the situation and trying to avoid a more difficult goodbye.  

-

That was a lie. She could do better. She could express her love better. Goodbye was inevitable, if she was going to say few words, she had to make them worth it.

The silent moment between them was prolonged as Lexa appeared to want to say something and Clarke stopped herself from moving in.

Lexa closed her lips, took a short breath, and smiled. In that moment, she felt such peace. Clarke was her oasis in the middle of the desert. There would never be a better time for what she had to say.

“My heart… is yours, Clarke.”

Clarke moved her head back slightly. Her smile faded momentarily in disbelief. In a way, she didn’t know why she was so surprised. Deep down, she already knew how her lover felt about her.

She thought back to how she had seen Lexa’s eyes earlier when she had cut herself off. She knew what she had seen. They had been a mix of lust and… love. She knew that.

She had known it then and now, and longer before that if she was sticking to the truth.

It was not hard to face Lexa’s feelings for her. What was hard was facing her own for the brunette.

Was she willing to admit that she loved someone in this apocalyptic society? In a world where everything she loved could be gone at any moment in the most horrendous of ways? Was she willing to love this one person when her feelings would be questioned at every turn by everyone else? When it would take absolutely everything from her, and Lexa, to make sure the relationship survived because of all the dissent? She didn’t know. But again, Clarke knew Lexa was not waiting for her to say something back, the silence was okay, it was comfortable, and it was a relief to have someone who didn’t expect anything of her, to not feel like a weight had just been put on her shoulders.

She didn’t have to talk, so she bit her lip and leaned in to seemingly kiss her, Lexa moved closer with her entire body pressing harder onto Clarke's, but Clarke stopped before their lips touched and instead she licked Lexa's lips with no restraint whatsoever. It made Lexa more ardent and she leaned in further and took Clarke's tongue into her mouth where it clashed with her own. Lexa could feel Clarke's insatiable desire as the woman pressed her body harder against her own and pushed her tongue deeper into her mouth.

Lexa was done resting and she wanted more. She began lifting herself to gain momentum and she parted her lips from Clarke's - Clarke made sure to bit Lexa's lower lip in the process- and when she had the momentum, she flipped Clarke over and straddled her.

Clarke would have thought Lexa was spent at this point, but she seemed to have regained her stamina in no time. She was the Commander after all and she had surely been in more exhausting situations.

Clarke reached her hands to Lexa's ass and squeezed for a moment before she started pulling her upward while at the same time kissing and biting her way down her neck. It took all her willpower to fight the impulse to bite hard and leave hickeys on Lexa's neck, she didn't think it would be appropriate for anyone to see those on the Commander.

She pulled her high enough so Lexa's breasts were at eye level and then she took the left one into her mouth without delay and licked and sucked on it like she had been thirsting for it for a long time. They weren't going to see this part of her, Clarke thought, so she allowed herself to bite hard on Lexa's nipples like she wanted to and it pleased her to hear Lexa as she moaned her name.

"Ahh...Clarke".

Lexa's fingers entwined in Clarke's hair and she had almost forgotten her intention, but she let Clarke have her fill.

After Clarke was satisfied with Lexa's breasts she licked her way back up to Lexa's lips and they returned to kissing. Lexa lowered herself and Clarke opened her legs so that Lexa could settle between them. Lexa made sure to align herself so her clit came into direct contact with Clarke's. The feel of it made Clarke interrupt the kiss for a moment as she inhaled deeply and struggled to control her breathing in anticipation. Lexa smiled at how she took Clarke's breath away for a change and then returned to kissing her.

Clarke's hips began to move against Lexa's as a sign to urge her into action and Lexa wasted no time and began grinding herself against her. Clarke held Lexa's face in her hands to make sure their lips didn't part as they kissed while Lexa had one hand on each side of the bed to hold her weight up and so she could control the pace of her hips moving against Clarke's.

They moaned between kisses into each other's mouths and their breathing quickened simultaneously. Lexa put her weight on her left hand so she could use her right to caress Clarke. She began at her face, holding her gently while their tongues danced in each other's mouths, and began moving her hand lower on her side until she reached her hips, and then she slowly moved her hand towards Clarke's entrance.

At the same time, Clarke positioned her hands on Lexa's back and moaned into her mouth in a way that sounded like a request to go further, but Lexa wanted more than an unclear moan.

She wanted to hear Clarke asking for her, to hear her say that she wanted her so she leaned into her right ear to whisper: "Tell me what you want Clarke", and she bit Clarke's earlobe in a playful manner.

Lexa's breath on her ear and her wording nearly made Clarke come, and she dug her nails into Lexa's back as she tried to focus on turning her thoughts into actual phrases.

Clarke thought about teasing her by not saying what she knew Lexa wanted to hear, but she was so in need of her that she was unable to hold back.

"I want you. Inside me… please Heda", she answered in a most desirous and coveting tone as she relinquished all control.

Lexa smiled at the sound of Clarke's plea. It was exactly what she wanted to hear.

Lexa moved her head into a position where she could look directly into Clarke's eyes because she wanted to see her as she entered her this time, and she then took the liberty of slipping her index inside her. Clarke's lips were shaking and she gasped as she felt Lexa's finger enter her, and as much as she wanted to close her eyes from the feel, she made sure to keep them open to see Lexa's response at her own reaction.

Lexa's eyes were mesmerizing, filled with passion and ardor, and the way she looked at her made her feel so desired, needed and other things she had not experienced in her life.

Lexa's fingers moved at a perfect pace, thrusting inside just as she moved her own hips forth. Clarke felt herself craving and wanting more of Lexa, she didn't just want Lexa inside her, she wanted to be inside Lexa. She kept her eyes locked on Lexa's, and she began lifting her body. She used her hands to move both of them to a position where they were upright, Lexa kneeling and Clarke straddling her, and she extended her arm downwards to place her fingers at Lexa's entrance.

Lexa's lips parted as she felt Clarke's hands on her sex and she froze for a moment, almost unprepared for what was about to come. Without delay, Clarke pushed one finger inside Lexa. Clarke's name came out naturally from Lexa's lips as the brunette automatically closed her eyes, then took a deep breath in and put her forehead against Clarke's while her lips shook.

It didn't take long for Clarke to push two fingers inside Lexa, driving her to do the same and soon enough they were several fingers deep in each other. Though Clarke's fingers were shorter than Lexa's, she knew exactly what to do with them, how to curl them, how to get Lexa to utter her name.

They were both soaking wet and it was a turn on for the pair, to feel each other's slickness and thirst for one another.

Lexa kept a slow rhythm rubbing against Clarke while pumping her long and slender fingers inside her. Clarke was more eager and she placed one hand on Lexa's firm butt cheek to get a little more control and be able to get Lexa to speed up since the slow movement was driving her mad.

Panting louder and quicker, they moved in sync with each other, thrusting in right when one of them moved their hips forward. Lexa held on to the back of Clarke's head pulling her in for a kiss as she arched her hips forward to make sure Clarke's fingers went as deep as possible and reached the rough patch inside her. Clarke opened her legs further to give Lexa easier access.

They were both so near climax and Clarke’s moans were now uncontrollably loud but neither cared any longer. Clarke felt Lexa's walls clench on her fingers and Lexa let out Clarke's name as waves of release came over her and she reached her orgasm. Clarke followed a few seconds after, coming harder than she ever had before, uttering Lexa's name as well, a lot louder than Lexa had uttered hers though.

They leaned into each other's shoulders and neither one of them moved for a moment. They were now officially spent, catching their breath.

Clarke slowly removed her fingers from inside Lexa after her walls relaxed and Lexa did the same.

Then, Clarke reached her hands around Lexa's body and it was a moment before Lexa took in that she was being hugged. It was a strange sensation, she realized she had not been hugged since Costia and even then, their hugs had been short lived because she always felt watched and didn't really give in to them. But she felt safe now, so she reached her arms and wrapped them hard around Clarke.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered to her.

At first, Lexa was confused but then she came to the realization of what this all meant.

It wasn’t about the sex. It meant that Clarke had known, she had understood. She understood that Lexa had never stopped thinking of her at any given moment; that anything she had done was never meant to hurt her; that any pain and suffering Lexa had caused her, had also made the brunette ache and suffer because in the end Lexa was being selfless; she was putting her people before her own happiness because that was what a great leader did.

Clarke truly understood, and she forgave her for all that she had done now because she too knew the cost of putting her people first. It was the weight they both carried every single moment. Otherwise, she would have left with nothing but the grounder farewell. The truth was that this world they lived didn't allow for much happiness but they had both managed to find it in each other, in the rare moments they had when they were alone, and of course the time they had just spent together when they had finally given in and allowed themselves the freedom to put themselves first.

Clarke kissed Lexa's shoulder softly and taking her time, she moved to her neck. She stopped before reaching her lips, and allowed Lexa to lean in to initiate the kiss. It was slow and tender, and they savored it for a few seconds and then they placed their foreheads against one another.

It was silent again. Comfortably so, again. Lexa was perhaps the only person Clarke had whom she was comfortable being silent around. And the same went for Lexa. In fact, for Lexa, right now, with Clarke, all the voices in her head were muted. There were no obligations, no thinking of her people, no worrying about political circumstances or consequences.

There was just Clarke and her.    

After a minute or two, they opened their eyes, looked at each other, and smiled. Things and feelings left unsaid for sure, and yet there was nothing more telling of how they felt than the instant of silence they shared as they gazed upon one another.

Clarke leaned back onto the bed and Lexa moved to the right and laid on her left side. Without thought, Clarke moved closer, placed a warm, affectionate kiss on Lexa's cheek and spooned her. Lexa had never been happier in her life than right then and there on her bed, with her soulmate spooning her, and she grinned from ear to ear.

They remained like this for a few minutes and then Clarke slowly moved back, her eyes fixed on Lexa. She caressed the tattoo on her right arm for a little while, and though she didn't want to think of it, it was almost time for her to leave and she began:

"If Octavia and I are gonna get behind the blockade by dawn…". Lexa interrupted her with a soft shushing and it made Clarke smile to know Lexa wanted to savor the moment with her just a while longer.

Knowing she still had a while, Clarke decided to enjoy whatever time she had left. She let her eyes wander to the Commander's back which she had not had the opportunity to appreciate sooner, she had only gotten a glimpse of it not too long ago when Lexa had showed up in her room to thank her for supporting her when all the ambassadors stood against her.

She recalled their conversation and how she had claimed to have backed Lexa "for her people", a phrase she had hidden behind every time she felt herself descending into a wormhole of feelings that she wanted to escape and deny.

She also remembered how beautiful Lexa had looked that evening in her nightgown, vulnerable and exposed. That was one of the few times she had really taken the time to see a different side of Lexa, and she thought of how difficult it must have been for Lexa to show her gratitude to her and how she had shut her down - something she deeply regretted. In actuality, the thought of kissing Lexa had occurred to her then, but she wasn't ready, she still felt betrayed at the time and she had pushed it out of her mind. She let those memories go and returned to the moment she had now.

"This is beautiful" Clarke said as she traced the tattoo down Lexa's back.

"I got it on my Ascension day. A circle for every Natblida that died when the Commander chose me" Lexa illuminated.

"Seven circles. I thought you said there were 9 novitiates at your conclave," Clarke said as a near question.

"There were" Lexa answered, remembering the day she become Commander. It was not exactly a day filled with joy, she had been chosen so she got to live, but the others did not. Costia did not. And Luna was another story, but she didn't want to think of any of that now.

"What happened to number 8?" Clarke asked, unaware of the many unpleasant memories she was summoning.

Lexa laid on her back and looked at Clarke, "Can we talk about something else?" she asked in a gentle tone.

Clarke noticed her discomfort and reassured her, "We don't have to talk at all ", she answered and gave her a flirtatious smile as she glanced at Lexa's lips.

Lexa's eyes wandered to Clarke's lips as well and she didn't fight the temptation to kiss her. She smiled and leaned in to place light kisses on Clarke's lips and they fell into it in no time. Clarke moved her left hand to Lexa's back as Lexa moved her right behind Clarke's head. Lexa's left hand then trailed to Clarke's right and they intertwined their fingers as they deepened their kisses.

Clarke used her other hand to caress Lexa’s soft body up and down, all over. Then, with that hand, she held Lexa’s and guided it lower to her center one last time. Lexa did not deny Clarke her wishes and soon enough, she watched her come undone yet another time. It was quite the sight; she would never tire of it.

They wanted to stay there forever, but Lexa knew Clarke had to leave.

She placed a soft kiss on Clarke’s forehead and moved to let her get up, and Clarke slowly got out of bed and sat by the edge.

Lexa felt a pit in her stomach and rushed to Clarke and held her by pressing her chest to Clarke's back and putting her arms around her. Lexa placed soft quick kisses on her shoulder and neck.

Clarke turned to face her and Lexa pressed her lips hard against her’s one last time before separating them and letting go of her.

Clarke rose from the bed leaving Lexa with the sheets and not bothering covering up as she stood and gathered her clothes.

She knew Lexa was watching her carefully and she liked that.  She smiled and bit her lip as she looked at Lexa who was giving her a gaping look and was clearly taking pleasure in watching her fumble around for her clothes in the nude.

Lexa was thankful yet again that the sun was out. Clarke found all her clothes and put them on and the pair never broke eye contact during.

It was hard to find the words, so Clarke simply called her by her name with the most emotion, tenderness and care as she could invoke.

"Lexa",

To which Lexa responded just the same, 

"Clarke", as they smiled at each other and so Clarke headed for the door and the Commander watched her leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! Hope you enjoyed it. I know many of you would have preferred this uploaded a lot sooner, like a year sooner but better late than never.


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